Milk Carton Mystery

This was one of those spooky kind of surreal moments. I dropped into work to check the schedule last night and this poster was in the front window. I'd heard m Sister-In-Law saying something about their neighbors daughter being missing. I didn't hear anything more so I thought no more of it. I guess she's still missing cause here we see evidence of an extended search. It's weird to see those posters for someone who lives just a quarter mile from you, and attends the same church as your Sister-In-Law. I wish I had more info. I'm hoping that the subdued nature of the search indicates a less insidious disappearance.

Snowmens

Emma made her first snowman with dad's help. The um, "hair" on top is Emma's addition to the snowman. It took her a while to figure out what dad was making with all that snow, but when she caught on, she was gung ho to help.

Sounds like a bad pre-employment interview

I can see it all now. A panel of mid-level managers and supervisors full of a sense of self importance sit across a conference table from me. One decides his question will surely illuminate my true character and cause the entire staff to praise him for his whit and insight. He opens his mouth and asks:

"If you were a donut... what kind of donut would you be?"

JeepCruzer is a glazed donut

Okay, you know that you're plain - and you're cool with that. You prefer not to let anything distract from your sweetness. Your appeal is understated yet universal. Everyone digs you. And in a pinch, you'll probably get eaten.

What Donut Are You?

So. Did I get the job?

I thought I'd never see you again!

Did you ever lose something so well that you thought it would remain lost for eternity? I've done that a few times. I lost a favorite visor in Disneyland, My duaghter lost her favorite puppy toy in a target, the list goes on. Just before Christmas I lost a favored toy while playing catch with some friends and family at a party held at a local chapel.* Our fun was brought quickly to an end when the boomerang type device we were tossing was lost in the trees & bushes. We couldn't see it in dark, even with several flashlights and headlights flooding the area. Even a search by a couple of us in the morning light of the next day didn't yeild any results.

So why I thought I might be able to track it down today I don't know, but I gave it try anyway. I was driving in the area and took the short detour. I had no more arrived in the parking lot than I'd seen it hanging in a tree in a neighbors yard. I went around the block, asked if I could infiltrate the backyard, and retrieved my prized toy. All's well that ends well I guess. Only downfall to the situation is that I've probably used up all my good karma getting this thing back.

*I should note for the record that I went into this whole thing with my eyes open and willing to accept the consequences. Throwing a thin peice of plastic in a small clearing surrounded by trees after dark pretty much doomed us from the start. I figured I might lose the thing, but thought I'd rather have fun now and lose it than have no fun at all. That being said, I may not have been the one who made the fatal throw, but I'm the one who bore the responsibility from the begining.

Oh it's so true

Here's my quote of the day on the google homepage:

"No tyranny is so irksome as petty tyranny: the officious demands of policemen, government clerks, and electromechanical gadgets."
- Edward Abbey (Emphasis added)

Beatings, slayings, you know... the usual.

So I open my Google homepage, look at the RSS feed for the local news station and I get strangely depressed. Judging by the top five news stories of the day, Salt Lake City is a tough town to live in.

You tell 'em Ollie!

Perhaps you've had the dubious distinction of recieving this fabled post 9-11 E-mail:

It was 1987! At a lecture the other day they were playing an old news video of Lt.Col. Oliver North testifying at the Iran-Contra hearings during the Reagan Administration. There was Ollie in front of God and country getting the third degree, but what he said was stunning! He was being drilled by a senator;
"Did you not recently spend close to $60,000 for a home security system?" Ollie replied,
"Yes, I did, Sir." The senator continued, trying to get a laugh out of the audience,
"Isn't that just a little excessive?"
"No, sir," continued Ollie.
"No? And why not?" the senator asked.
"Because the lives of my family and I were threatened, sir."
"Threatened? By whom?" the senator questioned.
"By a terrorist, sir" Ollie answered.
"Terrorist? What terrorist could possibly scare you that much?"
"His name is Osama bin Laden, sir" Ollie replied. At this point the senator tried to repeat the name, but couldn't pronounce it, which most people back then probably couldn't. A couple of people laughed at the attempt. Then the senator continued.
"Why are you so afraid of this man?" the senator asked.
"Because, sir, he is the most evil person alive that I know of" Ollie answered.
"And what do you recommend we do about him?" asked the senator.
"Well, sir, if it was up to me, I would recommend that an assassin team be formed to eliminate him and his men from the face of the earth."
The senator disagreed with this approach, and that was all that was shown of the clip.
By the way, that senator was Al Gore!

Would it suprise you to learn that most of this E-mail is an exageration of the truth and some portions are plain wrong? When I first recieved a copy of this E-mail in early 2002 I looked on it as dubious at best. I was quite proud of myself for quickly recognizing the illegitimate nature of a spoof photo featuring a NYC tourist atop a soon to be devestated World Trade Center 2, a copy of which I had recieved by E-mail in late September 2001. I could smell something fishy in this E-mail too, but could not definatly dispute it's authenticity.

The E-mail pressured me to forward the message, a request that by it's self motivates me to click the delte button. Couple that with my doubts about the E-mail and there was no way I was going to pass this E-mail along. A lot of people did however and I can't say I really blame the american public as a whole for doing so. It seemed real enough and the story was so sensational that many wanted all thier friends and aquaintences to hear the spectacular things they had heard and forwarded the message. In this, there is not malice.

The true nature of the reported transaction came to me more than a year later by way of a book writen by talk show host, Sean Hannity, whom I had previously become enamored with. He prints a clarification of the incident by Oliver North himself:

Ollie quickly put out a satement correcting the story: It wasn't a senator but the committee counsel, John Nields, who did the questioning. The security system installed in Ollie's home cost $16,000, not $60,000. The terrorist who threatened to kill Ollie in 1986 wasn't Osama bin Laden. It was another major international terrorist, the Libyan mastermind Abu Nidal.

"I never said I was afraid of anybody," Ollie points out. "I did say that I would be glad to meet Abu Nidal on equal terms anywhere in the world, but that I was unwilling to have him or his operatives meet my wife and children on his terms. I did say that the terrorists intercepted by the FBI on the way to my house in Frebruary 1987 to kill my wife, children, and me were Libyans, dispatched from the People's Committee for Libyan Students in McLean, Virginia. And I did say that the federal government had moved my family out of our home to a military base [Camp Lejeune, North Carolina] until they could dispatch more than thirty agents to protect my family from those terrorists (becasue a liberal federal judge had allowed the Libyan assassins to post bond and they fled)."

In the end, the government spent more than $2 Million protecting the North family, and the terrorists sent to kill them were never reapprehended. (Let Freedom Ring, HarperCollins 2002, p. 41, 42)

I recently recieved a copy of this message again. I am at least the 8th generation recipiant from the original forwarded message that I can track down. I was floored to see that this myth still hadn't been put in it's place. Additionaly, many of the people in the forwarding chain had added comments like "All I can say is, Wow" and "Thought you might enjoy this little reminder." So I got on my high horse in most humble way I could and penned this reply preceeded by the text cited above:

The events of September 11, 2001 and the threat of terrorist attacks from any front or organization are terrible enough to not need the "embellishment" that someone saw fit to add to the story, and we have an obligation not to distort the seriousness of the threat by propagating these embelishments. It sounds real, and thus we trust it as real and want everyone to hear the amazing things we have heard. In this there is no malice. I hope that everyone who receives the incorrect report on this congressional hearing will pass along the factual information and thus strengthen the American people through the truth. After all, will not "the truth make us free?"

7-Eleven goes Chineese

The Jade Garden is a new restraunt in Centerville, UT and the fourth tenant in a building first occupied by a 7-eleven through 1992. My wife and I went out on a date for the first time in months and we decided that this new chineese restruant needed to be tested. So we sat down in the dining room and passed the time considering our food.

The verdict: They try too hard at the Jade Garden. The food was overall quite good. The food seemed to be lighter than in some restraunts while tasting like they use similar recipies (or similar food service providers) as other restraunts. We hypothesized that the meats were steamed rather than fried. While this made a lighter food, it also gave a texture that I was not prepared for. The biggest trouble with the jade garden was that it tried to be bigger than it's briches. The decorating seemed to say "Hip and trendy" while the music was classical piano peices and appetizers came with garnish of carrots cut like flowers. This clash of style left you feeling like you didn't know how to act let alone at what degree to compare the food.

The most disturbing part of the meal had nothing to do with the food. In fact it was the most gross application I have seen of a chineese restruant pit fall: Over attentive staff. I was being watched by several servers, bus staff, and desk clerks throughout my meal and it was very disturbing. I swore that the entire staff had formed an imaginary line on my water glass that they were unwilling to let me reach - at all costs! 

A soldiers funeral

I had the sad honor of donating my services to some family friends on the friday before Christmas at the funeral for thier son-in-law, Tim Boyce. His wife, Sharon, and I went through school together and her parents still watch over my parents like hawkes making sure no hardship is to much to bear. They asked me to bring some recording equiptment and tape the funeral so they could preserve the proceedings for postarity in a high quality format.

I am only sad that my duties did not afford me the opportunity to observe the grave side services for a member of the armed services. I do however consider it an honor to have been of service to a family that has cared for me and mine so much over the past years. Let alone the honor of participating in the memorial for one of our nations fallen protectors.

Timothy "Timmy" R. Boyce 1976 ~ 2005 FARMINGTON - Timothy Rick Boyce, 29, died Friday, December 16, 2005 in Germany after being transferred from Iraq, of a brain aneurysm. He was born October 15, 1976 in Bountiful, a son of Rick D. and Tamra Jensen Boyce. On May 2, 1998, Tim married the love of his life, Sharon Strong, in the Salt Lake LDS Temple. They are blessed with the knowledge that their family will be together forever. He was raised and educated in the Farmington area and lived in North Salt Lake and Colorado Springs, Colorado. Tim was an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Greenfield Ward, and served an honorable mission in La Reunion and Madagascar. He loved the gospel and taught others by word and deed and most of all by his loving example. He loved his Savior and sought His counsel. At the time of his death, he was honorably serving his country with the U.S. Army in Iraq. Tim loved his country, was proud of his service, and the opportunity to serve the Iraqi people. Tim enjoyed golfing, skiing, and trips to the family cabin. However, the great loves of his life were his wife, children and extended family. He spent every opportunity playing with his son, holding his daughter in his arms, and caring for his wife. Tim always had a smile and hug for everyone he knew. Tim's contagious laugh, unconditional love toward all, ability to be the life of the party, and gift to look for the best in everyone, will be dearly missed. Tim is loved like a son and brother by the Strong Family and is a great blessing and light to both families. The Boyce Family will cherish the memories of a wonderful son and brother. Timmy will be greatly missed by all who know and love him. Surviving are his wife Sharon, son Ammon
Timothy and daughter Gracelynn Adaline Boyce, all of Farmington. Tim is also survived by his parents, grandparents Donald (Linda) Boyce and Boyd Jensen, all of Farmington; three brothers and one sister, Jeff Boyce and Brad Boyce, both of Arizona; Bryan Boyce currently serving an LDS mission in Brazil; Harmony Dawn Boyce, Arizona. Tim was welcomed in heaven by his brothers Aaron and Eric Boyce, and his grandmother Marge Jensen. Funeral services will be held Friday at 11 a.m. at the Greenfield Ward Chapel, 1298 North 400 West in Centerville. Friends may call at Lindquist's Bountiful Mortuary, 727 North 400 East, on Thursday from 6 to 9 p.m. and Friday at the Ward Chapel 9:45 to 10:45 a.m. Interment, Farmington City Cemetery where Military Honors will be accorded. The family respectfully requests that, in lieu of flowers, contributions be made to any Wells Fargo branch to the Timothy Rick Boyce Memorial Fund for the education of his children. Email condolences to the family at lbm@lindquistmortuary.com

I can see clearly now.

I've needed to complete my FAA Medical Exam for a few weeks now. I've been puting it off till I could squeeze a few minutes out of my day. Besides I was in great health, I met all the requirements for a Class 2 certificate, what's the rush? Well turns out I didn't read the fine print as closely as I thought I did. I wasn't able to pass the exam as quickly as I thought. What do you think held me back? Eyesight of all things! Turn out the FAA requires 20/20 vision at distance. I had a measly 20/25. This means I need to wear glasses while I fly, a perscription that magnifies almost nothing, but does correct for a stigmatisim that makes things slightly blurry at distance and myself slightly nearsighted.

So I find myself picking out frames at a local optical outlet. Here are the two frames I finally settled on. I had the pair on the left for mere hours before my daughter had dropped them on the pavement and chipped them. Now they're being repaired and should be back together in about a week. Glad I opted for that extended warranty.

Now I've got my class 2 and school continues. One benneficial side effect the glasses have: I can read the small print on the board from the back row!

Cabelas not captivating

Back in early December I took the opportunity to drop in on a facility that has been elevated to status of local phenomeon. Many Utahn's quicklly dubed the new Cabela's retail store in Lehi, Utah to be the grandest of all shopping locations. Hearing stories of wild boar sandwiches and freshwater aquariums I was finally tempted to stop while passing through the county divide.

I am sad to say that the experience was not as great as I guess it should have been. The centerpiece of the store, an indoor mountainside adorned with model wildlife, the aquarium, the food court and various other attractions were not nearly as impressive to me as to those who have been waiting to be impressed by this outfitter. However, I will give them points for being the only store I know of that gives thier location in Degrees and Decimal Minutes for GPS users.